escape
I breathe in
No voices to be heard, no faces to be seen, no surfaces to be touched, no odors to smell, no flavours to taste, no topics to think, no situations to reflect, no soul to relate to, no craft to spend time on, no time to waste upon, intransiance all around, a fixed state of matter of being of thinking of feeling of living of doing, nothing moves, nothing stops, you even question yourself how can all of this be conformting, yet, it is.
What brings oneself to find comfort on nothing, is it the constant movement of daily life? is it the constant influx of thoughts of everything be it good or bad? is it the lack of numbness or is it coping with it unknowingly?
Compared to others idea of comfort this seems almost to cold to the touch, almost as if the sheer stillness is freezing. No gods to talk to, no person to share warmth, yet, the stillness in it of itself feels warm, although cold to the outside.
It's weird, unconventional, sad, happy, angry, anxious, calm, numb, overwhelming, but most of all, comfortable. Is it really something to seek out for? It doesn't feel unhealthy, yet it feels so out of place, like it was supposed to be wrong, but no matter how much sense is thought of it, it gives no negatives, but no positives either.
Nothing matters yet for a split second everything matters, only to fall to irrelevancy again. Every thought passes by like a stream of flowing water, sometimes carrying leaves, sometimes carrying trash.
Tears run down my face, only to be stopped by the biggest smile I ever gave in my whole life, time starts flowing, my feelings return to me, my senses return to me, overwhelming, like a wall of sound, but now, being let out, aliviating, peaceful, full of life, yet so personal it almost feels like it's own world. I never wanted to step out of it, I wish there could be a time where I can step in there and never have to go back, but for now
I breathe out